haru in 10 days, or how i realized i love being alone
or: how i kinda sorta develop a character entirely through orders (maybe)
or: actions i have taken in haruspex as a mercenary may hurt my overall reputation in the phracts community
warning: this is entirely self-indulgent.
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my friends have been talking about haruspex for months. i'd heard about this game, a 'phracts with gods and whatnot in it, that had a 2:1 cadence, and wanted to join, but i have this problem called "i'm like a goddamned vampire for some reason" and i need to be explicitly invited to things in most cases or i won't ever do them. i hate asking to join something, viscerally. this is something i regret but i have yet to change.
so i would hear about it from the outside, thinking about how fun it must be, secret-eating a bit (and understanding nothing). then someone posts in vanguard's ooc about it (more about vanguard when its no longer opsec for me to gloat about what i've been doing in that game as firdaus). they drop a link.
another of my friends expresses interest. i jokingly poke him, and pledge to join if he joins. people prod us to join. we hop into dms, and count down so that we can join the server at the same second, as a bit. we're staggered by a few seconds. that's okay. no one really noticed the bit, but we got our own good laugh out of it.
we queue up together, as mortals (some part of me hopes to get rolled into game as an ally of his, so we can finally play on the same team together, but i know that's not going to happen). i'm not fucking touching the god game, whatever that entails. i just want to do (mostly) normie 'phracts, as i've been too used to my radios and trains in vanguard. this will be a good chance of pace from being firdaus (if you've encountered me in-game vanguard, i'm so sorry), i hope.
some time passes, i don't really want to check how much, but my friend gets pulled in, and i sit there in the queue, waiting. i'm pulled into a thread by the refs, who give me a rundown and tell me i'm near the top, but they can't promise i will get in any time soon. i tell them i just want something that isn't what i'm used to, that i want something, i think, "fuckass". game time keeps ticking down, i read the news, i get a bit jealous. i know there's something like 3 weeks left in game or something like that. i wonder if i'll get in.
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i hate clutter, after a certain point. my life is chaos, and i fly by the seat of my pants at every moment, but when it gets too much, i start culling things. this includes discord, and i've a horrible habit of getting anxious and leaving servers on a whim sometimes. the temptation grows. i've already done this with troutphracts twice (still not sure why i chickened out of queuing in that game). no news. still queued up.
the day i have it in my mind that i'll leave at some point. i get the ping.
i'll paraphrase the conversation i had with the refs, becausae the channel got nuked or whatever. but it more or less was as follows.
do i want to be a mercenary.
can i do fuckass shit?
yes.
fuck yes, i want to be a mercenary.
i have 10 days in game. 10 days to change da world. 10 days to do something insane. 10 days to go absolutely, completely, totally mad with power. 10 days to make the news. i hope.
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chewang caile is born. 55 years old, an admiral, a scholar, a logistician, and most importantly: beloved. beloved, the best trait in the game, in my opinion. beloved, my beloved.
i have no fucking clue what to do with him. i have no ideology to base him off of (oh how i miss that). i sort of have a culture, but no real connection to it (it's not in the world primer, and i forget to ever ask about it when i'm rolling in -- there's no time to waste with frivolous questions, i have to lock in). he's a blank slate, but i have an idea what he might be shaped into.
oh, there's a letter from my employer (someone named azaliza, titled to the moon and back). she's... just left orders for me, and fucked off? okay. what does she want.
oh that's a tall order, i think initially. and she's miscalculated how long i need to spend on boats for me to pull this off. that's not good.
i crack out a physical notebook, the one i carry in my pocket every day for the little thoughts that i get and can't let slip away, and start trying to do maths. i'm being given men, money, and supplies, in addition to what i started with. i've been pointed to an island (fuck yes, my admiral trait will be useful) like a gun, aimed at two strongholds. take them for her, any way that i can, and then i'm free to do whatever i choose in the remaining time.
what remaining time, i ask myself. there's 10 days. at least battles take one day here, unlike in vanguard. small miracles!
the gms tell me:
you are also under no obligation to actually follow your orders
but i'm planning to be a good mercenary. i will try my hardest to complete the task as given to me.
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day 51:
chewang caile has arrived in sheha-yautia, with two units of infantry, one of cav, and 10 boats. immediately, i strip the stronghold of as many the men, supplies, and loot as i can, left for me by my employer. i am now, as the kids say, fucking loaded.
oh, i have to leave someone here for the garrison to keep it in her hands? okay. one of the horseless heavy cav she left me can stay, i don't care for them. they're not mine. not giving them any loot or supplies. not my problem. they can starve. they will starve.
well. nothing to do but hire the boats, and embark with some three-thousand-odd men and a bunch of wagons to cart around all of my gold. i wave goodbye to the mainland, and an inkling of an idea starts forming in my head about who chewang caile is. loyalty from below means something to him.
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day 52:
some news rolls in, and i ignore it. if it doesn't mention me, my employer, or this island i'm headed to, it doesn't matter.
then i see what's written on my sails.
himilco blesses mercenaries
the entry for her in the letters that were left for me cuts off, the message partially lost, but i've gleaned a bit about her from that. i think chewang likes her, or he wouldn't have stitched that in gold into his sails.
himilco blesses mercenaries. i do hope that's true. i need all the help i can get.
my friends, when they talked about this game, mentioned rituals and gods and how useful that was. there were a few entries in the letters left for me about gods of sailors, and of course, himilco... she's the goddess of gold and glory. seems fitting.
shtakar-rivoc seems like a good as one as any to pray to. i carve seven spirals into the lowest plank on every one of my fleet. my crew and i sacrifice chickens, and blow some loot on it. this is something that my employer detailed in her letter, so i know this is a standard way to worship. i pray that this gives us safe passage across the water.
as for himilco... chewang's stitched her name in gold into his sails. i know she's symbolized by a lioness. we grind up 500 loot worth of gold into powder, adding it to a paste, making paint. i order my sailors to fight each other, to prove their strength. the weakest of each ship is granted a task to give them back their honor, lowered down with ropes from the side to adorn each vessel with a massive painted lioness across the sides. i hope she notices. am i doing this right?
chewang caile starts to make more sense to me. little by little.
preparations concluded, we set sail for dezmaluka. the first stronghold that i need to take.
you know what. i'm feeling merciful. when i get there, i'll talk to them first. give them the chance to surrender to me. let's see if they're smart and accept.
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day 53:
there's a lone lioness watching me.
i take this as a good sign.
what isn't a good sign is that the fortress guards of dezmaluka refuse to let me in. well, they've made their choice. i stare them down from my boats.
i've asked the gms about this already, and since i'm an admiral, instead of being at a -3 modifier to do an amphibious assault (and thus skipping a day of disembarking), i'll only be at a -2. initially, i hem and haw. minus modifiers suck, and i'm worried if i fail this, i'll never get both objectives completed. plus, if i don't get the gates of this fortress open, i'll be at a -7 overall to start. lioness or not, that seems bad.
but you know what. i've only a few days left. i need to be bold. i talk myself into this amphibious assault. but first, i need to prepare for it.
step one: attempt to get information on the stronghold, and bribe people to open the gates for me with a bit of loot. i'll be nicer to them if they let me in. i will be in charge of this stronghold before long, so it just makes sense.
step two: i throw enough loot at my mercenary units (as the units i took from my employer's stronghold are already max morale) for them to hit max morale. this is cheaper due to me being beloved. i love beloved. i do hype up the men i am borrowing though, you're running with mercenaries now. fuck it, you're running with pirates. you're gonna love it here. get ready to fucking party.
that's right. chewang caile is a pirate, i've decided. i like pirates. i take the title of captain.
step three: himilco deserves more. she showed me a sign, and i want to thank her for this. more gold into paint, to cover our bodies and our weapons in her symbols. i want this stronghold to see us coming. i want the sun to reflect off of our gilded ranks and blind them for their arrogance in ignoring me.
this is when i decide that chewang caile, captain of his pirates, also has the title of "the gilded". he likes how the metal shimmers across his skin.
step four: i'm still trying to do this the right way, and follow my employer's orders. if she opens the gates for me, i'll credit her with this victory. i have no ego, i do not need the glory for this. she deserves it, if she helps me.
i attack. my order reads: FUCK IT WE BALL. with the power of extreme wealth and himilco on my side, there is no way we can fail.
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day 54
we fail. the bribes don't work. the gates stay shut. himilco isn't watching me, she isn't here on my side, i didn't do enough, i think. the universe tells me that i did everything right, and i still failed. the universe is unkind, i am told. 25% casualties. -1 morale. that's a -2 roll differential.
chewang caile does not take this well. i close discord and go on with my day.
i lose track of time in my real life, because i'm visiting a friend and only when the clock hits 2am and i am alone on the streets, trying to catch a night bus, do i remember that i need to put in orders.
i really like being alone outdoors at night. i think i feel more alive then, somehow. everything is just that slight bit sharper, and more real. reminds me of realis, in a way. i used to walk alone along the river when i was younger, between 2 and 4am, after clubbing or staying far too late at a friend's. i miss that feeling.
on the night bus, i pull out my notebook and start scratching ideas. all i managed to submit before i have to interact with the real world again is to send in:
RUN THAT SHIT BACK
we're going to attack the stronghold again.
real life rears its head and i find myself aboard a plane, trying to finish my thoughts on the turn. submitting orders while taxiing seems like an unwise decision, but i have never claimed to be smart.
i pay my men more money to raise morale.
i pray to himilco again. but this time, i do it right. five thousand loot not enough? how about ten thousand loot, and i promise to take this stronghold in her name. my employer has no loyalty from me. she sent me on this task and never had the dignity to show her face. i promise to himilco that i will turn this stronghold into a hub for mercenaries, for pirates, for those who care for gold and guts and glory above all else.
we sacrifice three thousand supply worth of chickens to her, and turn even more loot into golden paint to decorate ourselves in her honour.
if she can get this gate open for me and win me this city, i'll take the entire fucking island for her. we sail to the city and immediately attempt an amphibious assault.
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day 55
the winds have turned. the gates are open. himilco blesses mercenaries, indeed. captain chewang caile, the gilded, brings dezmaluka to heel for his goddess. the net differential is somewhere between +9 and +11.
inside the stronghold, bodies litter the ground. chewang feels right at home. he pulls an ornate dagger, decorated with a stalking lioness, out of the cold hands of a dead man. it's a good trophy, and an even better omen.
i sacrifice ten thousand loot to himilco, through various means. worship is worship, no matter the form it takes, right? this victory is credited to her and her alone, and while we burn loot and turn gold into more paint to paint the town, some of this sacrifice also takes the form of investing for the future into the town. i will not fail her in that. dezmaluka will be a center of worship for her. through military contracts and backroom deals, we will feed her power. himilco blesses mercenaries, remember?
to make sure this fort stays in my hands, i leave one of my original units here, with enough supplies to stay fed through the end of game. but i made her a promise. i'd take the second stronghold for her too. she deserves an island.
i'd say she deserves the world, but i think that's a tall order even for me. certainly not something i can do in 10 days.
we march into a heatwave.
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day 56
chewang caile does not like the desert. the hot sun overhead makes him sweat, and the gold starts to slough off of his body with it. he misses his boats. but i have no time to waste, nor money to burn, except for her.
speaking of her...
a woman appears, in purple, lionesses watching me from her shawl. she approaches me.
you were given a damn knife. a knife collected amidst violence and victory. you best damn well use it for sacrifices.
i can't say anything, because she's gone. she's right, though. i still have supply on me to burn, and a stronghold to destroy.
i realize that this is the first time anyone in game has "spoken" to me. albeit, through the gms, and not a direct parley thread, but i still count it. it's a strange, but welcome, change of pace from vanguard. in real life, i'm with a friend. in haru, only my goddess can talk to me.
we march onwards.
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day 57
nothing of note happens to us. we are still marching through the desert, but i can see my next target. i can make it.
chewang caile points his army towards dezdaro and orders another march, promising to himself that he will take a boat next time.
i recall the knife, and what was said to me by that woman. chewang looks at his bare skin, and scoffs. he's underdressed for the occasion.
we sacrifice more chickens, killing them with the knife she gave me. we turn even more loot into gold paint, and decorate ourselves again, so that we reflect the light of the sun into the eyes of our enemies. i promise to sacrifice what i get out of this stronghold to himilco again.
i give my men more money, as they've been disheartened by this fucking heatwave. i have too, i think. but the end is in sight.
once more, i order an attack. we are covered in sweat and gold, and i want to be covered in blood and guts as well before long.
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day 58
himilco blesses mercenaries. holy shit does she bless us. the gates are open, and we stream into the tiny fort. maybe this is overkill, but i don't care.
chewang caile lives for days like this. he may be 55, but he has a swashbuckler's heart, and no fear in his soul. his goddess is on his side, he is covered from head to toe in everything he loves. i envision him much like coriolanus in this moment, leaving corioles.
who's yonder, / that does appear as he were flay'd?
the net differential is between +15 and +17. the garrison here is completely and totally destroyed. 90-100% casualties, just on dice alone.
am i winning? this feels like winning.
no one's here to know that, though. i haven't yet made the news.
we pillage. you know. as you do.
i pray to himilco, this time just a personal thing from me to her. i thank her again, and promise that when we've looted the place, i will throw a massive celebration in her honour. it'll be the last day or so. perfect way to end game.
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something i have realized through haru is that i like how lonely i am, how no one can find me, no one can stop me, and i can ignore every piece of news i hear. i love vanguard's radio, but there's something beautiful about being alone in a game like this, with nothing to do but march and fight.
to quote a joke i made elsewhere:
do you know where your children are but its Literally Anyone Else instead of your children and the answer is "no" is very fun.
if we had radio, i'm sure that my employer would have been yelling at me. if we had radio, i'm sure i would have rethought my plans to betray her. if anyone in the world could see me, besides my goddess, maybe this game would have gone differently. but that would mean i would lose. and i hate to lose.
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day 59
didn't expect much from pillaging this watchtower fort, but i want to make sure i have exactly enough supply to survive the last bit of game. no starvation here for my men (i think to myself for one second and then immediately cock it up).
chewang caile, prescient that the world (game) was coming to a close, and wanting to go out with a bang, and sacrificed everything to himilco.
this was perhaps an unwise decision. but whatever.
FUCK IT WE BALL
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day 60
nothing much to report. chewang throws another party (his men are starving, as i did miscalculate and thought that we wouldn't have another day, whoops). he crowns himself pirate king of this shitty, shitty island. its all desert, but its also all his (and himilco's, of course). the island is renamed the gilded isle, after his title, and his goddess.
one by one, chewang goes down the line of his heavy cav, given to him by his employer. he asks each of them if they remain loyal to the empire, and would thus rather die, or if they were committed to being mercenaries with him. sadly, they all choose life. i was hoping to end game with a bang, sacrificing a few thousand men to himilco, and reducing my (self-inflicted) supply issue. oh well.
the gilded isle is open for business. hire us now, one loot per pirate, and three loot per pirate with a sufficiently dope ass hat on.
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epilogue, and final thoughts
my men, starving. my island, deserted. my employer, mad.
i had one objective, that i only learned after game ended. that was to end game with as much loot as possible. i have 0 loot in my coffers.
Objective:
Collect as much loot as possible ⚠️
You end the game with a grand total of 0 loot.
You spent it all on glory. What price can you put on that?
but who cares. chewang caile, despite a bit of kerfuffle in which no one realized he was freelance but him and his goddess, ended game in control of the fourth largest island on the map. it may have been written down in the history books as "MILF Simp Pirate Island", a bastardization of the gilded isle, but chewang doesn't fucking care (and, yes, i learn now that himilco is a milf). he's got an island, he's got a goddess who supports him (and is hot af), and he's got two thousand pirates ready to pillage further in her name.
he partied so fucking hard. harder than anyone else.
chewang caile was a piece of work, despite never talking to anyone in character. i'm so glad i got to play him for 10 short days, and experience the joys of running around alone.
also, i learned at the end of game, i almost got hit with a fucking asteroid. i was 1 of 7 targets for it, because some gods realized i was trying to do a big human sacrifice and they didn't like that. the other targets were like, cities and shit. important targets to the politics of the game. and yet, there chewang was, equally considered as a valid target because of how insane he was. i dodged a fucking bullet.
lots of things happen in the wrapup/debrief/what-have-you, i stay up until four in the goddamn morning one night, chatting reading shitposting you know the deal. anything for himilco, whoops sorry boss for immediately betraying you (and lol at your "its you" reaction vanguard's ooc), wow there was that much going on in game?
i had... a non-zero amount of fomo at this point, realizing how much roleplay i had missed out on (number one rp sicko here), how lonely my game was (jokingly, i was told i was in the running for loneliest commander, against someone who asked the gods for a booty call). i feel somewhat bad for how chaotic and casual my orders were, in comparison to the very well-thought out and thematic rituals, well-written prose, and actual character-work being done.
but in the end? it was fun, what little of game i got to experience. game good.
everyone should hire chewang caile, and come move to beautiful milf simp pirate island. we have one (1) lion, a lot of desert, and two strongholds at the end of the world. we'd love to have you over.
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more thoughts that i couldn't figure out how to weave in:
one thing i noticed was how random spirits got added to my threads each day. i didn't really think much about it, except that himilco was there more often than not. but going back through them to make this post, there were a lot more guests than i realized... maybe i should have made something of them, or taken note and adapted, but i think i did well enough as is. or maybe game was more fun without me trying to metagame. much to think about.
i've never written a letter in this game. that's weird to me. it isn't opsec to say it, i think, but in vanguard, i've written some 140 letters to various characters (some of which are barely relevant to any in-game mechanics, and are just my character discussing political philosophy with other commanders, others still are just jokes that i toss out into the ether, hoping to make someone [usually a ref] laugh). that's just more than one a day, based on how many days i've been in game. in haru? 0 letters. it's strange. freeing, almost, as i don't have to think about how my bastard pirate would sound over text as he sits down and writes (he probably wouldn't in many cases). i don't have to break out LaTeX, or docs, or pour over fonts to find just the right one for a signature that i can append to the end of my file.
what have i learned, but that it is deeply entertaining to point at a stronghold and yell KIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL and for that to work.
i should do more phracts games. please do not ask me how many phracts games i have queued up for during/immediately after haru ended. i don't want to explain myself.